Someone is trying to be me.
A week ago Sunday (or as they say in Utah Sundee) I lost my debit card. After retracing my steps I called the automated phone hell and cancelled the card. To backtrack a bit I had my identitiy stolen last year to the tune of a solid five figures(pretty much my entire can collecting career). I did get it back after jumping thorugh major hoops to prove that I was indeed me. Anyway Citibank enrolled me in this free fraud protection program that basically makes it impossible to open andy new lines of credit without me using my secret decoder ring so to speak. On Tuesday I get a call form Citibank telling me somone tried to use my lost card to buy a plasma TV at Best Buy but since I pushed the wrong button while navigating the automated phone hell and only cancelled the card instead of reporting it missing, the person pretending to be me was not detained. Oh well at least they card is not working. end of story. Or so I think. Today (about 10 minutes ago) Citibank calls to tell me that in the last 24 hours someone had posted my name and credit card # on a message board in freaking Russia and that literally hundreds of new lines of credit had been applied for. Holy freaking shit! They tell me they don’t think they have my SSN at this point but that I should remove it from any of my financial accounts. Already did that last time. So I guess the good news is the fraud proteection group in coidination with the credit agencies are actually doing a good job . The funny thing is there are a bunch of commie bastards out there trying to be me (Oh man if they only knew…). So if you work in retail and someone comes in with a credit card bearing my name that is not freakishly tall and constantly cursing under their breath it is probably not me. To be sure just ask them who their favorite NFL team is. If they answer anything other than “those guys are fags” crack their skull cuz the real A-Train aint got time for that weak shoulder pad wearing grab assin’.
Ride Safe
