Art O’Connor

The first race of the Utah Cyclocross Series is today. Too bad I wont be there. After the snow/rain yesterday hopefully there will be some mud which would be a novelty since most of the season we spend racing on bone dry courses. Yesterday I dropped the cyclocross rig off at Spin Cycle so Rob can dial it in before my first race next weekend. Last year was the first year I had 0 mechanicals for the entire cross season and I give Rob all the credit, he is that good. Anyway here are the predictions:

Utah Scene
- Sly will hop stuff, Bart will do it better, Ali will endo
- Gardie will pump up the crowd and be really excited (and his hair will look perfect)
- Ohran will rent ad space on his forehead. Seriously, it is huge.
- Turbo will tip over punch me in the nose
- Harward will hurt people
- Dave Wood will say he is slow then rip your legs off
- Sam Krieg will be smiling and flying
- The Mistress will either entertain you or horrify you depending on how well developed your sense of humor is
- Dirk will wear knee socks
- I will go fast for a lap, blow up, barely finish and blame one or all of the following: Halliburton, capri pant wearing fixie riders, The Fed, Gardie’s techno, PBR, lemurs

Everywhere else
- Kelly Ryan now fully absorbed into the Portland scene will race on a fixed gear chopper wearing a silk teddie and juggle fire after the race
- Jeremy Powers will win A GP Race
- Wicks will win Nationals
- Bart will be Top 5 at Nationals
- Mark McCormack wont really race Masters at Nationals. If he does it will be like the Load and ReLoad albums from Metallica and beg the question. Is it unfair to criticize a formerly great rider/band for their recent sins?
- Katie Compton will win Worlds and still no one will know what the hell Team Spike is
- Female cross fans everywhere will write TreeFarm on their ass.

In non cyclocross news, big ups to Rachel. She finished 2nd at the XTerra 10K Trail Run National Champioships. Today is the big day though. She has made big improvements in her swimming and bike since Ogden so I think she is going to rock and get an invite to Worlds. According to the website it is 40 degrees at the start of the swim, damn, imagine the shrinkage. Kick some ass SBAL!

How does one go from this:

Become this?

Welcome Wallstreetfighter readers. Thanks Shane for the props. In a world dominated by spectators it is always nice to find doer’s. As for the shirts they can be found here. Kick as much ass as possible my friends.

Today Rachel and I headed up Big Cottonwood Canyon to ride the Crest Trail. Living here in the 801 can be a challenge at times but hot damn the easy access to mountains is pretty hard to beat. I don’t know of anywhere you can work half a day and in 30 minutes be in the middle of nowhere enjoying some of the sweetest single track or depending on the season steep and deep powder. There was a little bit of snow in the trees and North facing slopes but overall the trail was total hero dirt. Rachel is getting so much better on the MTB it is scary. I think she is going to have an awesome race this weekend at XTerra Nationals. I would sell a kidney to be able to be there with her, next year for sure. On a side note I think is cool that the governing bodies of triathlon have the common sense to make nationals an event you have to qualify for. The pinheads at USA Cycling should really pay attention. Anyway what a great day in the 801.

By now most of you have heard about the $400 million that 50 Cent got when Coca Cola bought Vitamin Water for $4.1 billion. Not a bad pay day, hope he doesn’t go MC Hammer with that wad. I was surfing the interweb and came upon this disturbing page:

“Another of those early investors was the uncle of easy-listening saxophonist Kenny G, who became a goodwill ambassador for the chain. Schultz writes about how G’s music perfectly matches the image of Starbucks’ stores (an image now identified with Seattle as a whole, thanks partly to Starbucks’ PR influence). No other Seattle music personality is mentioned in the book, not even Schultz’s former Viretta Park neighbor Courtney Love. Schultz writes about being “shocked” to learn from market research that Starbucks’ stores were considered squaresville by many “twentysomethings,” even though the stores were planned around the bland pseudo-sophistication most local rockers were rebelling against.”

So there you have it. Kenny G perfectly matches the image of the bland, soulless, lowering the bar of American culture. Drink Up!

StarCrossed came and went without me last weekend. Looks like Bart Mang and Ali G threw down. The Utah Series kicks off this weekend without me as well. Stupid job. At least it give me another week to work on my non-existant form. Hopefully mad skills will make up for lack of horsepower and I can stay in front of Turbo…

Day 2 of my Moab Canyoneering Extravaganza (MCE) definitely had the bar set pretty high based on the fun meter readings from yesterday and with 0 rappels, the use of wetsuits and this sign at the put in. I had my doubts. As usual I could not have been more wrong.

The hike in was pretty short and Dave was surprised by the amount of water at the entrance to the slot. Looks like we are putting the wetsuits on a lot earlier than expected. Right off the bat we are in waist deep water. Nephew Probe was working overtime today. One of the cool things about hiking in a wetsuit is you feel invincible, nothing slows you down, you are like a tank. Water, knee deep mud, Taliban bunkers? Don’t even slow down for ‘em. The first major obstacle involved a slid off a rock into a pool that we had no idea of the depth. For some reason Pumphead went first on this one and after lowering himself to a (relatively) safe height he dropped in and sure enough it was over the head deep. Since Dave went first there was not much lowering required for Swill and me. Just drop in! At the start of The Black Hole there was another drop in. From the top we could see a big pool of water and then what looked like a sandbar. Again Dave went first on this one and Swill and I were trying to figure out where the water went as the sandbar was real close. Once Dave was in the water the “sandbar” started to move and we could hear Dave “Ew this is nasty”. Our sand bar was a layer of debris and what can only be described as gunk. Swill yells “Hurry lets get in there before it closes up behind him”. (which annoyed Dave greatly, again entertaining Swill and me) No such luck this stuff was thick. Turns out it was a layer of pine needles and bark, it smelled good! We could probably charge vapid Park City trophy wives $300 an hour to sit in our proprietary blend of deionized, magnetic, free range, White Canyon Mulch. (DMOWCM). Words can not describe how cool The Black Hole is. The slot is no more than 5 feet wide with sheer walls and no sunlight. This was definitely the money shot! What an awesome day, I wish Rachel was there but she was in So Cal doing this Damn, maybe I should have been there?

Wow what a great trip. I can see myself getting into canyoneering a lot more in the future. As fun as it is though I just want to make clear it can be very dangerous. When things go wrong in the back country it tends to be in a big way. A simple sprained ankle in the Black Hole could make a nice day trip into an overnight survival situation. Don’t try any of these trips unless you know what you are doing or have a guide. It takes a lot of outdoor experience and a lot of gear to do it safely. Despite having a severe case of self diagnosed pump head, Dave is super experienced and detail oriented, exactly the kind of guy you want to go into a slot canyon with. Swill is like a human GPS. At the put in for The Black Hole (a canyon he had never seen before) he was telling Dave (correctly) where the trail head must be. In the back country the best way to get out of trouble is to not get into it in the first place. I am lucky these guys keep inviting me along.

Yesterday I hit the Crest for the first time in 2 years. Abby called and was game despite having just finished crushing the womens field (and getting 4th overall) and the Hidden Peak Challenge. The weather was a little iffy so we wimped out and did a car shuttle. After Puke Hill we were lucky enough to hook up with DrX. Sounds like he is getting the engine tuned, it will be good to see him throw down this fall. I didn’t quite rip the spine Sly style but more importantly I stayed upright. Made it to the bottom of Millcreek just as the rain started. Another great day in the books.

Oh man did I need that. Rolled in to Moab late Sunday with little idea (in hind site)what I was in for. I had done one other canyon trip with Swill (aka Nephew Probe) and Uncle Dave (aka Pumphead) in Kanab. That trip was super fun and for the most part pretty easy, no water and a few rappels. My first hint of what was in store was as we were getting gear ready and Uncle Pumphead saw my pack and asked where my real pack was. Thankfully Dave is a gear head and had a more suitable pack for me to use. My previous tounge in cheek packing list was pretty close to being accurate. We had a lot of gear. The second hint was the name of the canyon we were entering in was called Constrychnine.

Right off the bat we drop in with a big rappel (100+ feet). From there it is all slot all the time. 4-5 rappels and a lot of chimney down climbs on this one. A few were pretty tight for Swill and me. For the most part I my height (6′7″) seems to be a plus in slot canyons but those tight chimneys are pretty rough. There was also a fair bit of water in this one. A few places were up to my chest and that meant Dave was swimming which annoyed him greatly and thus entertained Swill and I greatly. On the final rappel there was water at the bottom. Since slot water is not even remotely opaque there is no way of knowing how deep it is. Time to deploy Nephew Probe! Swill lands in water up to his waist, unhitches from the rope and take a step into a hole that is deeper than he is tall. Full swim time! Even though it was in the mid 80’s there is no sun in the canyon and we were all pretty cold. Thanks to the lesson learned from Swill, Uncle Dave and I were able to stay out of the water completely with only minor acrobatics. Thanks Swill!

6 hours (and less than 2 miles) later we were back at the car and ready to hit Ray’s in Green River for what have to be the best burgers anywhere. It is also about the only place I know that 3 guys covered in dirt smelling like slot water don’t even warrant a 2nd glance. Yup, a fine place indeed.

Next up The Black Hole….

Just got back from 2 days of exploring some of the finest slot canyons in the world, ETFE grin is still in place. Pictures are uploading to the gallery as I write this and should be done soon. I am barely able to type I am so tired. More tomorrow…..

Well I told you so. Bob Log III was freaking incredible. The dude has some serious chops on the slide guitar and his stage rap was about the funniest thing I have heard in years. The opening band curse was even broken at this one. Last time I went to a The Urban Lounge to see Meat Puppets I had to sit the worst band I have ever heard. This show was not looking good either as one of the opening “Bands” was 2 douche bag DJ’s. Good hell if you can be replaced by an iPod on shuffle then you are not an artist and you have no performance worth seeing. These idiots literally just played records and had a slide show on the wall behind them. I am sure it seems much cooler in their mom’s basement after an evening of bong hits, but Bob Log III could have been playing instead! The worst part was there was another local band called Pink Lightning that was playing their first gig in public next. Never have my admittedly low expectations been so completely blown away. The guitars had the best tone I have heard this side of a Stevie Ray Vaughn show. If you get the chance go see them and buy a CD.

Staying out until 2am I am sure did me no favors for the Climbers Cup race the next day. Never have I gone so slow and hurt so much. I did win the Dave Harward non climber award for being the slowest in the 1-2 race. My prize was a pack of Guinness and 2 sweet pint glasses. Maybe after cross season I will drink them. I have not jumped on the scale since I broke my arm in June. At that time I was 181lbs and climbing ok I have been afraid to jump on as my riding has been pretty much non-existent since. I finally got up the courage this morning and nearly shit when I saw 195 flashing at me like one of those automated speeding signs. I am one Chile Verde from the fire department cutting a wall down to transport me to some Richard Simmons fat farm. Maybe Slohran will ad a Clydesdale category to the cross series.

Heading to Moab after work today for some slot canyon fun so I am not sure if I will be able to post or not. Hopefully there are some wide ones for me to waddle through.

I know what I want now I have to finalize a plan how to get it. To clarify I have not quit the cube farm yet. As sweet as that would be I till need the paycheck until I get some green rolling form my other ideas. The other thing I want to clarify is that while I hate my job, I like the people I work with.

Good music alert! Bob Log III is playing at the Urban Lounge tonight. He is a professional gawd dammit!

Some Scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.

-Frank Zappa

I used to think I was smart but every day I wake up and go to a job I hate to answer questions for people that are either too stupid, old, or lazy to go online. Every second of my day is scheduled. If I jump through all the hoops I can look forward to as much as a 3% raise (with real inflation around 10% I actually get a pay cut every year. Am I that stupid? I have no sick days only Paid Time Off (PTO). So I can schedule time off as long as it is 2 weeks in advance. If I actually get sick (or say break your arm and need surgery) and need to use one of these days it is called and unscheduled absence. 2 of those gets you a verbal warning (You really need to let us know 2 weeks in advance when you are going to break a bone). The 3rd gets you a written warning which makes you not eligible for a raise or promotion. Nice, I am in the verbal stage at this point, due to my surgery and actually getting sick for the first time in years I am down to 4 PTO days left for the year. That is gonna put a big bite in my ‘cross season. Something has got to give.

We are taught go to school study hard and get a job with a good company. What a lie. I am a sucker for believing it. A good company? Bullshit. Every company I have ever worked for operates something like this. The people who actually do the work get the shitiest pay, schedule, parking, whatever. The CEO of my company took over $300 million in stock options out of the company last year! (I am pretty sure he gets the day after Thanksgiving off). My Dept. has overtime “contests” so this douche can make more than the GDP of a small country. I have got to get out.

I know this sounds like a pity party and in some repects it is. Really though it is a platform for me to announce I am going to do something about it. I am going to focus all my energy on findng a way out of the hours for dollars routine. Humans were not meant to live like this. I never again want to miss something “because I have to work”. I want to go to that concert on a Monday night, I want to take that Grand Canyon trip, I want to be able to spend my holidays with my family, I don’t want to work on Sundays. In the next year I will be self employed, that is the goal. My rental properties and cash flow positive so that is a start. I have a few ideas for some online stuff as well. I will document all my ventures in the coming months. Everything is in place I just need to do it. What do ya think? I want to hear it. Those who think I can’t, just watch, your negative energy only makes me stronger.