Art O’Connor

It is that time of year again when everyone talks about “The” tour. BFD, “the” tour is becoming the bike racing equivalent of that rich coke whore who just got out of prison for endangering peoples lives by driving drunk. It is just not relevant anymore. I love cycling and I can barely watch the damn thing. The drug scandals, the boring flat stages, cry baby sprinters, uber tool Adrian Karsten Al Trautwig. Aside from the opening TT and the field sprint crashes the opening week is entirely unwatchable, even with Phil Liggett. The mountain stagesare the only action and that is only in the first few stages. Then the leaders have sorted themselves out and some no name Columbians and Spanairds who are over an hour down on GC go on an all day breaks and the field rolls in 20 minutes later. Yawn. Unless Zabriskie is kicking ass I don’t plan on making the effort (I don’t have cable) to watch much of “The” tour. I can read about it online. Get rid of the 3 week tours. Stage races like Dauphne, Tour of Sitzerland, hell even TOur of Georgia have a lot more actual racing with most of the same racers as “The” tour. The guys who base their entire season on “The” tour are like the lazy put all your eggs in one basket sprinters who sit on all day and wait for the sprint. Yeah nice work you rode like a chump and got waxed anyway. Lame.

Gotta admit hiking is starting to grow on me a little. Tue and Wed (my weekend) I did 2 really fun hikes. Part of what made it fun was the company, part of it is my bike legs are finally getting used to hiking instead of spinning in circles. I no longer go home and curl up in the fetal position mewling myself softly to sleep. Rachel took me through another kick ass gym workout yesterday as well. Damn, I may come out of this with some fitness.

It is kind of strange for me to have people working on my house. I feel guilty when I leave to go play and they are working. Yesterday I leave to go to the gym and they are there. I leave to go hike, they are there. I get back from hiking at 10pm, they are there. So I had a fun filled day while the floor guys spent all day blowing up 3 sanders in a stuffy un-air conditioned house. Then I look at the bill and the guilt goes away pretty quick. It did get me thinking though. Maybe I can outsource my life. Hire somone to go to the cube farm for me while I go play. I would probably need to get “hired” at a few firms to make enough but I think it would work. All I need to do is find someonewith no criminal back ground, reasonably intelligent, and underemployed. I would coach them to pass the Series 7 and 63 plus coach them for the interview process. I would then take a cut of their salary in exchange for my life changing coaching and I would be living the life.

This Saturday I am heading up to fish the South Fork. The salmon flies are in full effect and the cutts are fat and hungry. Not sure how the wing will hold up yet but it is worth a try. At the very least I can sit in the boat and drink some full strength Idaho beer. Good luck to everyone racing this weekend. I would love to be lining up for some time in the big ring but oh well. Word on the street is Tommy Boy is gonna big ring the single speed race. Yaa!

Today I went to our cafeteria and the special was “Smothered Chicken”. I asked if smothered was the same as choked. The lunch lady replied, “if you don’t know by now you never will”. I ordered a quesadilla.

The flooring guys got in wreck on the way to my house this morning so that got pushed back a day which is cool with me ‘cuz now I can watch the process. Soon I will be buying furniture and the boss bachelor pad will be complete. The roof is done and looks awesome. They did a great job of cleaning up the mess as well. I paid them a little extra to take down this crappy chainlink fence in my back yard. It really opens the yard up. I probably have room now for polo ponies, or at least a slip and slide.

You have probably seen the shirts I am selling and thought to yourself “Yeah they are ok, I’d wear one if it was free”, well here is a chance to win one. Go to Poetry.com and enter the poetry contest. I am trying to win a marketing contest for sending the most referals so you scratch my back, I scratch yours. To qualify for the shirt enter a poem using one of the links on my page then send me an e-mail at utfuctard@hotmail.com, to get credit include your name and the name of your poem. I will pick a random entry every other Friday starting on 7/6 and ending 8/3. If the response is good I will extend the contest. Besides the chance to win a shirt from me you have a chance at $10 Grand if you have mad flow and submit the best poem.

I have pretty much done as much hiking as I ever want to do at this point. If I hike my arm swells after about an hour so I think I am going to try running. I figure it is going to swell anyway so I might as well get the most bang for my buck. Running is not my favorite either but at least I will get a workout. Damn it though I want to ride! Someone call the wahmbulance.

Friday night I met up with some friends and went to the Arts Fest and no, not a single velvet Elvis painting to be found. What a bunch of snobs. Still though with events like that and the upcoming Twilight Concert Series, SLC is a pretty cool place in the summer.

Every year in the 801 they have an Art’s Festival in downtown Salt Lake. Every year I go to try and buy a velvet Elvis painting and every year I come away empty handed. They have plenty of wind chimes, crappy jewlery, and for some reason the Saliva Sisters always play (apparently they are funny, just look at the standard my “mouth is open I am funny” expression that every allegedly funny hack uses). Where are the damn velvet paintings?

I am so wrecked I can’t believe it. Yesterday I agreed to do a gym workout with personal trainer/massage therapist to the stars Rachel. Lots of core, plyo’s, and balance stuff. I think it was the plyometrics that did it. I kind of chuckle when people say “Oh, you are in such good shape…” Yeah right. My “fitness” is pretty specific. I can ride a bike and put out the watts but ask me to run a mile and I am crippled for days. Good old eccentric contractions do it everytime. I suspect it is the same for most cyclist. Damn I am sore, I almost rode the elevator today, almost. As good as Rachel is at healing I think her hurting skills are better. Give her a call, she will beat you down and then build you back up. I really need a massage. Now I see through her evil plan. Hopefully by the time I am ready to ride again I will have adressed and fixed some other body issues that I have been ignoring for a while. In the meantime if anyone wants to go for a hike, give me a shout.

Thing at the house are moving pretty quick now. The roof is more or less done and looks really good. I have hired a flooring company to come in and finish the floors on both sides. I really wanted to tackle this project myself but since it will be a while before I can run a drum sander I had to pry open the wallet and get it done. I hope to break ground on the patio soon. After that I may finally have a house warming party/bbq. (3 years after moving in)

I have been hiking a lot lately. HIKING! Yeah its like that… The whole time I am hiking I am scanning the trail for the sweet line, thinking about what gear I would be in (Big Ring), looking at the other people hiking with 4 good limbs wondering why the hell they are not on a bike. I know I should not complain, at least I can do that. I know there are kids in cancer wards who would kill to be able to get out for a hike. Still though.

It is funny how people you think you can count on will let you down and others will step up when you least expect it. I guess the lesson to be learned here is don’t count people out ‘cuz they can always turn it around and don’t count on anyone ‘cuz it hurts so much more when they are not there for you like you were for them. Leave it open and let the universe surprise you.

How about Zabriskie at Dauphne? Good to see him get the green light and go for a result. I think he proved he is the real deal to everyone who doubted. I hope he gets some chances at the Tour to throw down.

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